Tuesday, March 1, 2011

*%@# Birds

It's probably all my fault.  I have lured some poor idiot bird to its death.  

The owners of our home left a couple bird feeders in a tree out back.  With our big bay windows in the family room, it's the perfect vantage point to birdwatch.  We bought a couple bags of seed and filled them up a few weeks ago.  Since then, we've seen all sorts of local birds chowing down on our birdie buffet.  

We've also had to run off the squirrels that live in the large trees in our yard.  They act all innocent, foraging on the ground underneath the feeder.  Then, just like their counterparts back in Texas, they get bold and shimmy up the tree out onto the branch and dive headfirst into the feeder.  It doesn't matter that the branch is bouncing precariously or that they're hanging upside down to pillage food.  When she's at home, youngest daughter C loves to watch for the squirrel assaults on the feeder so she can open up one of the bay windows and bark like a dog.  This sends the squirrel hotfooting it back to the rear of the garden to the larger tree he seems to call home.  Of course, he's at it again a bit later because squirrels are quite persistent when it's birdseed they want.

So maybe this influx of local birds partaking of food in the feeder is the reason I believe one may have built a nest or gotten stuck in our chimney.  I had convinced myself that the random bird chirps emanating from the vicinity of the fireplace were just an echo.  Some really talented bird was able to throw his chirp so that it sounded just like it came from our chimney rather than the nearest tree.  

I hadn't heard a chirp for over 24 hours and chalked it up to my fevered imagination.  Then this morning, I heard another chirp.  My husband's suggestion that I check the flue met with a big old "hell no", so I called the leasing company that manages our home.  

Honestly, that was a mistake because now I'm cowering in the office.  The receptionist had to take a message and leave it for the leasing administrator.  She was regaling me with this nightmarish tale about how two birds actually flew into her house through the chimney a couple years ago.  Seriously, that's heading me towards breakdown territory.  I could end up in a mental hospital thanks to that woman. And have I heard back from the leasing company yet... of course not.  

No matter the outcome, I just don't think this tale will have a happy ending.  Dead or trapped bird.  Newly developed neuroses about birds.  Costly fee to check chimney.  Embarrassment if chimney is bird-free and I look like a birdbrain.

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