Thursday, April 7, 2011

I'll Have Dessert First

I'm headed in the right direction these days.  I joined a gym and have started working out again.  Now it's time to tackle the real problem - my diet.

My name is Carrie and I'm a sugar addict.  I need a twelve step program to get off the sugar and on the Splenda wagon.  It's a shame I'm not one of those sugar snobs, folks who only eat the best chocolate or the finest desserts.  Just call me a sugar slut, because I'm E-A-S-Y.  It's ridiculous stuff that I'll eat, things that are marketed to elementary kids, like Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies.  Or the Swiss Cake Rolls because I enjoy unrolling them to get at the cream filling.  It's a wonder I still have a single tooth in my head based on all the sugar I've consumed in my life.  

My crack masquerading as sugar over here in England is something called caramel shortcakes.  They cost £1.50 for one package, or two for £2.50.  They're a little gooey, with a buttery shortcake base that's the perfect foil for the caramel layer topped by chocolate.  I could inhale a whole container at once.  You'll notice I said could, because I would never do anything like that.  But you know they're pretty small.  And there aren't a whole bunch of them in the package.  Plus no one at home likes them so it's not as if I have to save some for the rest of the family.  But, yeah, I would never skip breakfast and lunch so I could consume a whole package of them in the afternoon while I lounge in front of the TV watching The Food Network.  

Now that I'm in the middle, somewhere between having to show my ID to buy booze and being asked for my AARP card, my metabolism has become the enemy.  It refuses to let me eat like I did in the past unless I'm willing to spend the better part of a day at the gym working it off with cardio.  In order to see the number on the scales start going down instead of continuing its uphill climb, I've really committed to cutting sugar from my diet.  And I mean all sugar, not just sweet stuff.

This is my fourth day and I've hit the wall, the place where I decide to just stop eating altogether because I'm sick of protein.  I know lots of folks badmouth the South Beach or New Atkins diet, but it really is my best bet.  I'm an all or nothing gal.  I can't just have a few bites of dessert and then pass on the rest of it.  I don't just want a taste, I want the whole piece of cake.  And if you're not gonna eat the rest of your pie, I'll finish that up for you, too.  It's a sad little sugar cycle and I'm pitifully weak willed.  

I have to amputate the sugar, cut it off or out of my life because all it takes is a couple bites and I'm a goner.  I'm stumbling through the bakery aisle at the grocery store, looking for a sugar fix, needing a hit of chocolate croissant.  Sneaking out when the kids are at school for a slice of carrot cake at the local bakery.  

Tonight I've decided dessert will be a Diet Coke to go along with my diet plate of protein with a side of protein.  I hope I can make it through Easter in a few weeks without some poor chocolate rabbit losing his ears or tail.

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