Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Yep, You're Gonna Need a License for That

Here in America you need a license to drive, to operate heavy machinery, to teach children, to practice law and to dispense medicine - all necessary precautions to safeguard our citizens.  But a license to watch TV...  

If the mood strikes, we could have a TV with cable in every room of our house.  We could put a flat screen on each and every wall.  With our DVR's, we can tape multiple shows and play them back while barbecuing on the back porch or taking a bubble bath.  And we don't need no stinking TV LICENSE to do it, either.  Some countries require that you have a license to own and operate a TV.  Step away from the remote if you don't have proper licensing. Maybe I'll apply to be a TV cop.  The cable and satellite hackers would fear me and I would be called hero.

I could totally understand a license for something like the washing machine or dryer.  I can't tell you how many times I've been guilty of shrinking and maiming poor, innocent clothes.  Honestly, I didn't intend to turn those white undershirts a pale shade of pink and have no idea how that red item got in there without being apprehended.  And it's not like I purposely lose those socks in the dryer.  There aren't enough milk cartons in the state of Texas for all of the black dress socks that have gone missing on my watch.

Here are a few licenses I think might be useful in most countries.

1.  a license to procreate because your gene pool can't be watered down anymore without that whole theory of humans constantly evolving getting debunked

2.  a license for anyone over age 80 to go shopping on Saturdays or Sundays when parents are crowding the stores because, geez, you're retired and can shop during the week when the rest of us are working

3.  a license to act like an ass at any youth soccer, football or baseball game when you heckle the other team's players as well as the ref and then try to act all innocent when folks stare at you in disgust - in my opinion, this license needs to be astronomically expensive since it means you're probably dooming your child to numerous therapy sessions once they reach adulthood

And finally, we might need to institute blog licenses because it seems that just any raving lunatic can post her stream-of-consciousness ramblings on the internet these days.

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