Wide Load

You know it's time to join a gym when


A)  you have to do deep knee bends in your fat jeans so you can zip them since reclining on the bed and sucking it in just doesn't work anymore
B)  you're chasing every meal, including breakfast, with a candy bar, the sort filled with caramel, nuts, nougat and some sort of crispy cookie crunch
C)  your kids have started referring to you as Big Momma whereupon this pet name is followed by a snicker and eye roll
D)  you feel it's your duty to eat a stick of butter every day because it's just so darned yummy
E)  all of the above


I wish I was brave enough to post a "before" shot of me like all of the diet programs you see on TV and in print.  On the other hand, maybe seeing all my jiggly-wiggly cellulite exposed in just a pair of shorts and sports bra would be a serious incentive to step away from the butter and sugar.  


I've reached this point because of the move since my precious exercise equipment was sent to storage.  I loved the fact that I had access to exercise at any time.  I could roll out of bed at 5 am and get in a session on the elliptical before heading to school.  Or I could wait until the kids were settled for the night and power walk through the newest installment of "The Housewives of Wherever they can get wealthy, spoiled women to agree to embarrass themselves on TV".  There's nothing better than watching a worthless reality show series and burning some calories.


I've been relegated to jogging/walking in the neighborhood since we landed in the UK and it's just not working for me.  I've tried to be creative here at the house, using the stairs and empty formal rooms as my exercise studio.  However, there is only so much you can accomplish with 2 cans of green beans as your weights and a cheap clock radio providing your motivational music.  Therefore, I joined the Elmbridge Leisure Centre on Saturday.  Just to clarify, Elmbridge is the borough where we live and it's got a fabulous space that's just about 4-5 miles from our house.  


So this morning I pulled out my stretchy exercise pants - thank heavens for Lycra - and I'm heading to my first Urban Rebound class.  I hope this will get me back on the road to better health... and a smaller pants size.