Wednesday, October 27, 2010

First of the Goodbyes

As my mother will attest, I've always been the strong one, the one with the stiff upper lip, the one who can hold it together without getting all emotional or sentimental.  I'm the one who sucks it up and keeps going.  What I've realized about myself is that I do this out of self-preservation.  It's a control thing.  If I don't hold it together, I'll be a puddle on the floor.  I don't know why or when this developed - maybe I was born this way.  All I know is that this inherent part of my personality will be put through a marathon of gut-wrenching emotion when I end this chapter of my teaching career.

I gave my principal a letter of resignation on Friday.  My last day in the classroom will be Tuesday, November 23.  My students think I'll be leaving them over the Christmas break as we originally planned, but I had to peel off the rose-colored glasses and admit that just wasn't possible.  No way could I quit teaching on Dec. 17 and then have my entire house packed up for a sea voyage to England just three days later.  

Life is full of transitions and I've always enjoyed ours, whether it was cities, schools or houses looming on the horizon.  I always looked forward to the next adventure just around the corner.  This is the first time I've had a hard time letting go, leaving behind the people and places that have come to mean so much to me and my family.  

So the chin's gonna tremble and the tears will flow.  I'll try to put on a brave face and look towards the future.  But I won't kid myself that it's going to be easy leaving and can't deny that my heart will break a little bit. 

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