Monday, August 22, 2011

A Little Mother-Daughter Bonding

Our 5th grader loves to watch US programs on You Tube, things she can't find on TV here in England.  Today I joined her to watch a few episodes of Toddlers and Tiaras.  What a hoot!

For those of you unfamiliar with this series, it's yet another reality show that started airing about two years ago.  Each episode follows several girls as they prepare for and participate in a child beauty pageant.  

Seriously, why is it always southern women in these sorts of programs?  The ones that don't have enough teeth in their mouths to eat a steak.  The ones that sound like they don't got no more than a elementary school education based on them there rules of grammar they aint never figgered out.  (And yes, I did that on purpose.)  The ones that are able to spend all sorts of money on glitz dresses, spray tans, fake nails, professional hair and makeup applications for their 3-YEAR-OLDS plus the entrance fees for the pageant and travel costs, yet they live in a trailer house.  And don't get me started on the big old teased up hairpieces that look like some varmint has curled up on top of their heads for a little nap.  

My daughter and I are always amazed at the transformations we see.  At the beginning of each episode they were just grubby little kids wearing a t-shirt stained with a Dairy Queen chili cheese dog, sporting stringy hair rolling around on the floor of the double wide with a couple hunting dogs.  Then the next thing you know they're wearing false eyelashes, a dress that weigh 15 lbs thanks to all the rhinestones affixed to it, and lipgloss so shiny it will temporarily blind you.  See what I mean?  Doesn't she look just pleased as punch to be participating?

Our favorite part of the show is when one of the pageant girls, or pageant moms, has a meltdown.  It always restores my faith in the noble undertaking that is motherhood when I see some woman with her pin on ponytail, too-tight tracksuit that shows off a couple love handles plus back fat, and roots a good 4" long (when she knows in advance she'll be seen on national TV) jerking her daughter up by her arm while threatening to spank her if she doesn't sit still while they apply another coat of eyeliner.  The veteran pageant moms have all sorts of scary tactics they employ to win, giving their kids 50 Pixie Sticks or a six pack of Red Bull just to give them that chemically induced high perky little edge in the competition.  

I'll admit it - this isn't the first time I've seen the show.  I can't help but wonder how much they pay these women to participate in the series because a lot of it is priceless.  I know, I know... they take it all out of context and edit it so that they look like a bunch of village idiots ready to skewer their fellow competitors with hairpins or just-sharpened lip liner pencils.  It's not as if there is some full college scholarship awaiting them if they get one of the supreme titles instead of merely a divisional crown.  Methinks it's not the girls who long for the spotlight so much as the mommas.

This little girl cracks me up because she's such a total stinker - diva personified even if she is pretty darned cute.  Check out Makenzie giving her parents what-for.  And yes, they're from the south - Louisiana, to be exact.

Beauty Pageant Spoiled Brat

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